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After first hooking you with praise and flattery, they suddenly become reclusive and uninterested.They make you feel desperate & needy, ensuring that you are always the one to initiate contact or physical intimacy. Plasters your Facebook page with compliments, flattery, songs, and poems. They tell you how much they have in common with you. Ex-lovers, friends, family members, and your eventual replacement.They text you dozens, if not hundreds of times per day. On the first few dates, you do most of the talking and they just can’t believe how perfect you are for them. When idealizing, they make you feel special by telling you how much better you are than these people. There is always an excuse for everything, even things that don’t require excusing.
For professional research, check out Cleckley’s criteria or Hare’s psychopathy checklist. The red flags in this book are intended to supplement those resources. Well, for one, it’s specifically about relationships. Each point requires introspection and self-awareness. Because if you want to spot toxic people, you cannot focus entirely on their behavior—that’s only half the battle. You feel on-edge around this person, but you still want them to like you.They will always blame others—it is never their fault. Total absence of anxiety, fear, and worry where there otherwise should be. You write this off as calm and cool, often feeling inferior and over-sensitive because you have normal human emotions. Insults you with a condescending, joking sort of attitude. Teasing becomes the primary mode of communication in your relationship.They spend more time rationalizing their behavior than improving it. They subtly belittle your intelligence and achievements.If you point this out, they call you hypersensitive and crazy. Uses social networking to provoke jealousy and rivalries while maintaining their cover of innocence. It’s never happened in any other relationship, but suddenly you’re scrolling back years on their Facebook page and albums. You’re seeking answers to a feeling you can’t quite explain. Surrounds themselves with former lovers and potential mates.They once focused all of their attention on you, but now they post ambiguous videos and statuses to make you doubt your place in their heart. Brags that their exes still want to sleep with him/her, but assures you there is nothing to worry about.
They bait previously denounced exes with old songs and inside jokes. These people make you feel jealous and give off the perception that your partner is in high-demand. Hyperbolizes emotions while displaying none of them.